There is no shortage of professionals who want a mentor. There is a significant shortage of professionals who know how to be one worth having.
I’ve received countless requests over the years from former students and colleagues who want to “bounce ideas,” work through entrepreneurial challenges, or get career advice. I’m happy to help. But a smaller group wants something more — a sustained relationship, a year’s worth of meetings, a true mentoring commitment.
And here’s what most of them don’t realize: mentoring is not a one-way street.
The Story That Changed How I Think About Mentoring
Last spring, I met with a former student who had launched a side business offering entertainment events. His first attempt didn’t go as planned — he lost money. He asked me to review his business plan and marketing approach. Over lunch, I asked coaching questions that helped him see his business from his customer’s point of view. He drew new distinctions, developed deeper understanding, and revised his offering. His second attempt was a success.
A few weeks later, he reached out to schedule a series of meetings and brought up the “M” word — mentoring.
I was glad he wanted to continue. But as I reflected on his request, I realized something: he hadn’t invited me to his event. There was no note summarizing what had worked and how our conversation had contributed. He wasn’t wrong to ask — but he hadn’t yet learned how to add value to the relationship he was requesting.
That’s the gap most mentees never close. And it’s the reason many mentoring relationships stall before they start.
Here are six actions that will make you a mentee worth having — the same ones I’ve used with my own mentors for years.
1. Send an Agenda 24–48 Hours Before Every Meeting
This single action communicates more than most mentees realize. It shows you can organize your thoughts, articulate your needs, and respect your mentor’s time. It gives your mentor the chance to prepare something valuable. And it signals that you take the relationship seriously enough to prepare for it.
If you’ll reach out and request one in the comments, I’m happy to share the agenda template I use.
2. Invite Your Mentor Into Your Successes
My former student could have invited me to his event. I would have seen his work firsthand, and our future conversations would have been richer for it.
When I completed my doctoral journey, I wanted to honor the mentors who had invested in me in a way that matched their contribution. A card wasn’t enough. I invited them to a private pre- and post-graduation event and gave them seats of honor at the ceremony. They are also acknowledged permanently in the acknowledgments section of my dissertation.
Your mentor helped build something in you. Let them see it.
3. Ask How You Can Add Value to Them
This question alone signals a level of maturity most mentees never reach. It tells your mentor that you understand relationships are reciprocal — and that you’re willing to stretch to give, not just receive.
It doesn’t have to be grand. A relevant article, a video from an expert in their area of interest, a heads-up on a local event — these small acts of attention differentiate you and deepen the relationship.
4. Provide a Written Summary After Each Conversation
Verbalizing what you’ve learned is good. Writing it down and sharing it with your mentor is better. It drives your learning deeper, demonstrates that the time was well spent, and removes all doubt about the value of your sessions.
5. Send a Handwritten Thank-You Note
In a world of texts and emails, a handwritten note stands out completely. Something as simple as: “Thank you for sharing your time with me. I am continuing to grow under your guidance. Please let me know if there’s anything I should be aware of before we meet again.”
That note will be remembered.
6. Recognize Your Mentor’s Milestones
Call on their birthday. Acknowledge a new role or promotion. Take them to lunch and celebrate. This is how you demonstrate that you see them as a person — not just a source of free advice.
The Return on These Six Actions
The depth of your learning in any mentoring relationship is in direct proportion to the value you add to it. These six actions don’t just make you a better mentee — they make you a better leader, a better colleague, and a better human being in every professional relationship you’ll ever have.
If you’re currently looking for a mentor, start here: before you ask anyone for their time, ask yourself honestly — am I the kind of mentee someone would want to invest in?
For more on how to identify and close the gaps in your professional readiness, read Why High Performers Get Passed Over — Where Do You Stand? and take the MCP Career Readiness Assessment: https://forms.gle/V19cS2X6vXnv5zAm7
Which of these six actions will you commit to this week? And if you currently have a mentor — what would you add to this list?
Share in the comments below.
For a deeper look at the competitive mindset that separates winners from warm-up wonders, read Never Compare Your Worst to Their Best.
